Wednesday, October 17, 2007
New and revised story
The story about a weeping willow name Winnie that live in forest park that’s kind of deteriorating. There also a woodpecker named Paulownia that spend it day pecking away at the weeping willow tree because it like to eat the delicious bugs in the tree. Woodpecker pecks at the tree without knowing that its hurting the tree. Every time the Tree tries to talk to the woodpecker but there is too much noise around and the woodpecker has bad hearing. The weeping willow gets tried of being peck by the woodpecker and wait until it goes to sleep. Then when the woodpecker goes to sleep the trees steals his beak and throw it away in a trashcan. To teach the woodpecker a lesson
Paulownia wakes up and decides he should get some delicious bugs to eat for breakfast. Paulownia starts to peck on the tree to get some breakfast and knock him self out and fall out of the tree.
Paulownia wakes up and realizes his beak is gone. So he looks around to try to find his beak. Time pass by he still hasn't found his beak... Then all of a sudden a piece of fruit fall out the tree and his the wood pecker on the head he decide he will try to eat it but then realizes he can't eat with out his beak. The woodpecker cries where my beak. The tree shows the woodpecker that it has it beak but won’t give it to him until he realize what he doing to the tree. Winnie the tree tries to show the wood pecker that he hurting her and that he need to stop because he killer her slow. The woodpecker see the tree pain and realize that the tree look horrible because he’s destroy it slowly Woodpecker decides to change to help the tree and realize that he doesn’t have to eat bug but realizes he like the fruit a whole lot better.
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3 comments:
It is alright The story still needs work and the spelling really needs work as much of the work is missing words to help make clear cut sentences. Now why is the beck taken away from the wood peacker and why is it taken away is there some moral message that goes with this story. So what is the moral message that you are tryingt o convey. Also if the story is about this wood pecker who loses his beak then how does he lose his beak. Go back over and fix the spelling and write out a more clear cut story and really explain it. Otherwise this story is just going to get tosted to the crub. Sorry
i think that you need to build up the woodpecker hitting the tree more, like make it annoy the tree alot more. so that the tree is to a point where it cant handle it anymore. and then u need to make the bird be so down and sad that hes missing his beak that the tree realizes it has learned its leasson and gives him the beak back
To begin, I like the dynamic of the tree being hurt by the woodpecker. In addition the tree’s inability to talk to the one hurting it adds a nice metaphorical element. Perhaps this relationship is a commentary on deforestation. However I think the resolution falls a little short. Simply put it is a typical Hollywood ending, in which everyone ends up happy. Maybe the story could have a harsh reality at the end. To illustrate what if the tree gives the woodpecker its beak back only to have the bird peck on another tree.
In sum you have a good character-to-character relationship, all you need to do is polish up the ending.
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